Fortune cookies from today

Confession: I currently work in a Chinese diner. Hey, it's a living (sort of). Sometimes I collect fortune cookies off the tables. Here are the ones from today:

There are no riches above a sound body.
lollipop: bang4bang4tang2

Enjoy life! It is better to be happy than wise.
husband: zhang4fu

Example is better than perception.
family: jia1ting2

When you can't naturally feel upbeat, it can sometimes help to act as if you did.
ginger: jiang1

A good laugh and a good cry both cleanse the mind.
soup: tang1

A friend will bring you a big surprise soon.
sandwich: san1ming2zhi4
* this one cracked me up. I'd be disappointed if I were expecting a big surprise and a friend brought me a sandwich. Unless it was a really awesome sandwich.

When angry, count ten before you speak; if very angry, then a hundred.
kitchen: chu2fang2
* I was tempted to share this one with Anger Management Waitress, as she and I could both use this advice, but decided against it. Kinda funny considering head chef Little Brother's temper, actually.

You will soon achieve perfection.
good luck: hao3yun4
* my favorite of today's scavenged fortunes. "You will soon achieve perfection. Good luck!"

Happiness will bring you good luck.
to wait: deng3

Don't be surprised by the emergence of undiscovered talents!
mango: mang2guo3

Where there is an open mind, there will always be a frontier.
Chinese Zodiac - horse: ma3

An expert is someone that knows so much about so little.
gooseberry: mi2hou2tao2

To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.
Moon Festival: Zhong1Qiu1Jie2
* appropriately enough, this guy was a bodybuilder eating carefully for a competition the next day.


I'm trying to add a second job as a pirate in a burgers & whisky joint. Should be some truly excellent stories from that place, should it work out. Wish me luck!

Our Sushi chef kicks a customer out

So, this one time, maybe six months or a year ago, we were having a pretty busy night at the restaurant, 3 or 4 waiters and bussers running around, things going reasonably smoothly, when a guy at one of the far wall tables decides that there's something wrong with his sushi or sashimi -- anyway, a few pieces of tuna -- and then tries to send it back. He was there with his wife and son, and pretty soon pretty much all the dining room staff (which is most of us) are trying to keep Big Sushi Boss from turning this into a Really Bad Incident. Which of course didn't work. When Big Sushi Boss loses his temper, he doesn't go half measures. Seriously, about half the people in this restaurant are probably crazy, and I'm not leaving myself out of that half by any means - hang out with me when I'm seriously sleep-deprived sometime and you'll rapidly understand what I mean. I mean, I don't mean we're crazy crazy; we just have some issues, that's all. Like you don't.

Anyway, on with our story. The restaurant's not that big, and now we've got Big SB storming around - in a limited way, threatening to his wife and Uncle Whatshisface that he's going to do God only knows what - my Chinese is not that good to begin with, and Big SB's articulation is not the best in the world, plus he speaks Zhejian dialect half the time - while we we all look on in fear, all the while trying not to laugh in a really obvious way.

Long story short, SB ends up finally marching over to this family's table and demanding that they get up and leave the restaurant. Which they do, in satisfyingly dramatic fashion. The waiters and Madam Manager are trying to make sure that the rest of the meal gets paid for in some fashion - they had eaten some fairly expensive food and were satisfied with everything but a few small pieces of fish - so Dad was handing over cash or a credit card or something while Mom hurries their 8-year-old clear across the restaurant halfway through the poor kid's dinner.

At this point in the shift, of course, the whole place is basically aware of what's going on and it has gotten somewhat muted in the house while everyone tries to watch this stuff without being actively rude to the people involved. Well, except for Big Sushi Boss and a few dramatic shouting incidents. My favorite part of the whole thing is the conversation between the mom and the kid as she's basically dragging him through the exit: "But I really like my food!" "No you don't. We hate all of their food."

And then we spent the rest of the night and definitely our dinner saying repeatedly that MM and BSB are basically nuts and have no idea how to run a restaurant. Mostly Uncle Whatshisface, but I'm not saying the hostess and waiters didn't help.

Wednesday, noon

Second day of waitressing, which went pretty well. Fairly quiet lunch, and then I lost at chess to the cook, while eating my free bacon ranch cheeseburger. So, no complaints. And apparently I'm going in again tomorrow. Cash pay + cash tips = win.

Monday, noon, Part II

As we were discussing whether Zep would like to watch a fight between Her Royal Highness and Jasmine Lady.

Her Royal Highness: "Zep doesn't like violence."
Jasmine Lady: "Except girlfights."
Zep: "Well, yeah, because they always end in kissing. Everyone knows that."
Jasmine Lady: "I don't think it would end in kissing."
HRH threatens to kick Jasmine Lady's ass.
Jasmine Lady: "I'd beat you up."

A good bit of laughter, and everyone gets back to work.

Monday, noon, Part I

Heard from the back kitchen as I was walking past the doorway: Her Royal Highness saying, "Don't you have any sympathy for the downtrodden?"